HOLI UNHOLY

Author: Ruhvee

I am a water-sports lover… and no, holi doesn’t make it to the top 10!
Whether water-sport or not, holi is quite a spoilsport for us “rigidly stay away from anything to do with grisly slimy color” types, and hence, here’s a quaint little acquaintance with one of our most unquaint of festivals.

Ladies and gentlemen, lo and behold, holi’s around the corner again!

It begins days earlier than the event itself …while you’re walking half dazed, lost in dreams about the boss’s new secretary, a well aimed water filled pointer hits your medulla (for the discerning ,the rear part of the brain)

It causes in all humans reactions ranging from the submissive to the dismissive…to where you think it must be the secretary’s father.

Then you realize it’s your landlord’s brat and you grin stupidly, because you very well can’t drown the kid amongst other things which you have been scheming and planning for decades. You also give a further grin towards pa gargoyle …the kid’s father and your landlord; as to the effect…haa what a keen sense of humor the thing has inherited.

A very interesting aspect of the above incident I noted in 99.99% of the cases I surveyed, … albeit very safely from the upper balcony with pa goyle, is that the head on being hit with the balloon, goes ahead, while the body stays put in place .

The hand then immediately reaches out to survey the spot (with great interest in round circular motions) and suddenly realization dawns on Einstein and he/she looks at the brat with unprintable thoughts until it meets the eyes of pa goyle in which case it goes thru the same motions as described above…

Some further observations of mine during the actual carrying out of the process ….


The Holier than thou attitude


This involves amidst great efforts …to prove thou hast played with the most colors. Looks on the face may range from that of fait accompli to the look you had when you had your masters summa cum laude from Harvard .
The main objective so to speak is to have the most color and candor on your face either by intentionally begging or deliberately emptying a few packets in the nearby gully when no ones around.
All done a look of self importance to top it makes you a demi-god indeed

Holy is as holi does

This involves with great planning, bringing types like me out of the house, stupid grins included, which of course doesn’t involve great planning.

A couple of rings on the door bell would usually do the trick, and faith in humanity ever high, I open the door only to be greeted by a whack on the face with various states of matter as in liquid colors, solid colors, semisolid colors etc

Everything gets experimented on me and the world is my canvas, quite …literally so.

Then the sudden feeling of helplessness combined with that familiar wet feeling all around.

If it wasn’t bad enough, Mrs. Aurora and Mrs. Bhojwani...precariously balancing their huge selves on their legs envelop me with about a ton of special edition gulal (the kind that doesn’t rub off after repeated baths).

This of course is with little acts of kindness by junior and pa goyle where I get rubbed in more color...and soon the familiar feeling that the ordeal is finally over that there is hope in life after all …a bit of relief until next holi that is.

Adding color ...to the proceedings so to speak are the famous Raymond colors. For the uninformed they are fabric colors, rather dyes, so no amount of soaking and washing and bathing can get them off you till about a week passes by…

This causes an interesting phenomena the next day at office when u may enter in various hues and shades ,looking shadier than usual I guess.

You may go green red or purple in embarrassment depending on the color scheme used on you when you meet your Brit CEO in that general bodied meeting where the expats are surprised to see the sheer number of colorful Indians… no boundaries of color indeed.

On one such occasion I was mistaken for the local form of entertainment, instead of the auditor, while another jap yelled “Smurf!”.

But of course there are lots of dangers apart from the aforementioned, like the bhang made by Mrs. Goyle, which of course you can’t refuse.

And it causing amongst other things a mixed feeling of euphoria, stupid grin included, wherein you may pilot airships to unexplored lands.

After which of course it may feel like Mrs. aurora was sitting on your head….
But I guess going into those will call for another article. Meanwhile I do wish I had a holiday, nay a holi – day, without the holi spirit, and where it wasn’t the holy writ to get me wet, where there are no brats , no landlords , where I could dry as a cat , enjoy my holiday…

Now, that is some colorful thinking indeed …

 

3 Responses to “HOLI UNHOLY”

  1. Asha Tampa

    Heh! But I thought you absolutely loved Holi when you were in your teens! Guess our tastes change as as grow older! ;-)


  2. nazia shah

    its nice article, i really like it sir, hope that you will keep it up

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  3. leo

    I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

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